Praying

I don’t really know how to start. I guess there have been so many different things going on in my life, and the biggest one would have to be the changes that just happen. It is time for me to go on to a new school soon because I am at a 2year school. Well here is the deal; I was all for going to MHC. You know I prayed about and God just placed everything in the right place. It was like everything was just falling into the right place just at the right time. I was ready to go to MHC right when I got in. I mean I prayed everyday about it and it was going through my head every 5sec. Then you know I was just thinking and I got to a point where I was like am I going into the right major. And after some time of thinking I didn’t know what I wanted to be in life. Yeah computers are great! But I am a people’s person. I love being around people. But I want to be able to be around people that I can make an impact on. I then remember of a program that I almost joined right out of high school. The program is called Call Me Mister, and it set up for males who want to become teachers. Not just teachers, but elementary teachers. WOW that would be a big change I thought. Well then I went back to thinking could I do this. Then back to praying! After praying about I applied to two other schools, and after hearing accepted from both school I was very happy! Now I am back at praying cause I have three schools to choose from. Two of which have the Call Me Mister Program. I have to apply to the Call Me Mister Program now. Then wait to hear back from them, as the man from Clemson says I should have to worry, well I am hoping he was is right, cause he is the one who works at Clemson where it started, and he is over all of them kinda. So I am just going to apply to the program then wait, and then back to praying. To pray and ask God where is it that I need to go, where is it that I will become closer to You, and that Your light will shine. After all this praying I know where I want to go, and I know kinda where God is leading me to go. I just want to really see His will be done.

Out of all the praying and hoping and thinking, I am finding myself to come closer and closer to God. I am seeing God rock my world and all of the great things He has done for me. I see how great of a God I serve! Back to praying I go...

I will fall at Your Feet
I will fall at Your Feet
And I will worship You here...

The Stool Skit

Strong < Weak

You know we all have times when we are at our lows. We all think that we are strong were we dont't have to worry about them, we say "its ok i can handle this" or I have found myself saying that there are people that have it worse then me. Yeah there are people that have it worse them me. Now dont get me wrong, i am not saying that i have it great, i dont take what i have for granted i was raise to think like that. As i tell myself that there are people worse off them me i let things go. This time it didnt work. I feel as if everything i let go is coming back to hunt me. The first think i try to hide behind is my Leadership. I am fast to tell myself that since i am a leader i need to stand strong. I need to set an example for other. I need to cheer people up, i need to do what is write as a leader. But i cant keep hiding behind that. I have to learn that just because i am a leader doesnt mean that i can hide all my feeling. I think it is great for a leader to set an example for people. I think i have finally taken it to far. I think i am now quick to hide behind my leadership, you know what i know that i am quick to hide behind it. I guess that all that goes on in my life has to come out once. There has to be a time where i am able to just stop and vent! Vent is a good word for it, a time where i can just let everything out! There is so much that goes on in my life i am just not stopping and focusing on it, instead i am letting it go as i go on and try my hardest to put joy in other life, i am not stopping and looking at what is going on in my life! Even though i will never put myself first i guess sometime i need to put myself somewhere...

I am human too!

You know i can't change the world! I can't change who people are, i can do none of that! But oh i want to! There are times when i am just wanting to stop time, and fix the current issue, but yep i CAN'T! There are things i see people do that i can't stop nor tell them what to do! When it is all said and done there is nothing i can do at all! cause I CAN'T! But i want to be to speak life. I am not sure what it is that God is calling me to do at all! But i do know that i am not going to let it stop me now! I want to take my life and make it all that i can. I want to be able to us myself as a leader to lead to places that are unknown, where people will stop following and make their own path. I want to make the most of what i have but yet i can't do it alone.... Even when i am down and out, or just out right sad, or having a bad day i somehow have to tell myself to just stop and think how am i going to make the most out of this! Even though it is so hard! I have to just stop! but i guess sometimes just stopping doesn't help...

NOTHING AT ALL!

Nothing is falling into place!

Ya know I don't understand Life! I guess i am not ment to understand life, but that is ok. I just want things to fall into place, and I know I cannot make them fall into place, I can do all I want to try but if it does not fall into place there is nothing i can do! I am just at a point in the road where there is nothing i can do there is no road to turn on. It is at a dead end completely! I don't understand what I am doing wrong at all! I am trying my hardest to understand what God has for me in His plan, I am trying my best to do what is right. I am trying my hardest to find the good in this right now! God I am crying OUT yelling at the top of my lungs! WHAT DO I DO! What is the next step! I am just lost. You know I want to be mad at God but I can't. I can't find it in my heart to be mad! I know that He has shown me light in different times, and at this point I am waiting for that light to come on and guide me to the right way. I don't understand at all why, but I know that i will not let this get to me. I know that I will keep on being happy and joyful to people, cause what is going on in my life should not keep my from speaking LIFE! I don't want to speak death! So now i am pray, I am crying out, I am yelling, I am asking, I am waiting, I am ready for God to show me how to make the best out of everything right now. I am not sure how to react! I am not sure of what to do, I am not sure what to say. I am ready God. I am standing here with arms wide open for you to help me help myself! So here I am not at the end of the road, walls broken down, arms open wide. God lead me...

Whats yet to come...

This is what we did in Overflow (worship) Thursday night! And this is what has been on my mind for alone time, and it has has been on my heart for sometime here it is......

God please do... We have spent time praising God for who He is and what He has done. over the next few minutes we are going to spend some time asking God to help us. Use this paper to journal your request to God. Don't be afraid to be honest with God. Speak openly to Him about what you are concerned about. Ask Him to come and make a difference in your life......

God,
You are more then great! You have given more then I need but God i am scared, I am scared of what is next for me! I feel as if you have called me somewhere but I am scared; I am scared of what will happen and being alone! I feel as if you have pushed me to go to MHC, and you have placed the right people into my life for this next step! But I am crying out to you , help me overcome this, God I don't put this in your hand, I walk beside you with this I want to see your greatness happen in my life by me helping myself with digging deep into your word! God I feel as if you have put this on me, and it is time for me to pick up my cross and to follow you, and follow what you have planned for me, you are great and i know i am ready to go, go where you have called me to be.

Overtime!

I don't care what the world throws at me now,

It's gonna be alright.

One thing that i am trying to teach myself is that this world will throw so much at me, and that i need to be ready for everything that is thrown my way... Well I have been searching into Gods world, and the funny thing is that I am starting to understand that i shouldn't care. I know that i am yelling out the song Salvation Is Here.... I don't care what the world throws at me now, Its gonna be alright... I shouldn't care what other people think i shouldn't care what other people say, but as a human i have times where i say i don't care and that i will not care, but then there are those times were i care, and i just let it get to me so bad! I let it get under my skin and it is just under there and i cant stop thinking about it. Those are the times that i forget about how great God is and how much he has done for me!

One thing i am trying to teach myself is to learn to take in and not give out, I am trying to teach myself that i need to able to just take in and let it be. I guess i am can say that i will do anything for anybody, esp if i can help. I am willing to do whatever ask if i can help. The only things is that i feel as if i am being ran over by some people and i don't like that. I don't like the fact that i am able to give my all to and then once i do it i am given a negative reaction. I guess what i am getting at is that i am trying to teach myself that God is great, and that i need to learn that if i give it my all and i do get a negative reaction i need to let it be cause God has shown me that no matter the reaction i shouldn't have to worry about what someone thinks, better yet how they come off to the help....(i think i may have just lost my self in that last paragraph)

If you may not know i have been busy busy busy. I am not going to lie i love it i love being busy it has given me joy, it has mad me happy. but the most important part of my being busy is the fact that i have been able to build relationship. You know i am not talking about just dating i am talking about relationships that are friendships i have been trying to get to know different people and see the parts of life that they have come from. I have loved it thus far. Getting to know different people getting to hear different crazy but funny stories. Building these relationships has given me joy in my busy busy busy times, cause i think that, that is what keeps me going, knowing that i can build relationships with people and they will show me how great God is, and how they have been through different things in life. It just shows me How great our God really is!

I guess this blogging is just somethings that i have been thinking about over time, there is a lot more that i would love to write about but as of right now i am going to go to bed.(what the funny thing is that i will find something else to do and not go to bed)

A blog from … the phone.

My pray...

"Everything I once held dear, I count it all as lost..."

I want to be able to take everything I have on my heart and be able to give it all up and be able to say that God you alone are all I need! I want to cry that out! I am one who wants to take it all and do it myselft. I want now be able to say that I am not worshping anything else or anyone else...

"Leld me to the cross where your..."

Surrender

Guess sometime i go running around not knowing, missing out on understanding. I feel as if something is in font of my face, and i am not seeing it. I feel as if God is in front of me with something in my face saying here is the RED FLAG take what i am calling you to do. maybe i am to busy and going and going and missing out on the understanding, i feel as if everthing is good, and i am calling out to God at all times no matter what, and i know that God has a plan and i have been jumping into His word, over and over and over, but i feel like there is something more, i feel like that RED FLAG is up and i feel like i need my WHITE FLAG up saying i give up i give it all up, i will keep going head strong in Your word Lord, but at this point i am ready for what you have for me, i just hope that i am not stoping what should be coming in! I dont want to interfer with what God has plan i want to be able to go alone with it! I guess in the pass i may have missed out on things, i may have miss things that i didnt even know was there. But i am at a understanding now I am able to put my WHITE FLAG up and surrender!

DONT FORGET TO MUTE THE MUSIC ON THE LEFT!!!!

Understanding!!!

I guess now my days are busy busy i dont understand why i still have that feeling that something is missing. I feel as if i am missing out on something good, i am not sure these days of what is going on sometimes, i am on the run so much i dont know what is going on sometimes. I guess i need to be able to jsut stop and breathe and pick up everthing around me and have an understanding of what i am doing and why. I find myself a lot these days saying thank you God for this, Thank you so much for everything, I find myself talking to God on how greatful i am to have Him in my life, how even though i may be doing something i dont want to do i find myself turning to God and saying You alone oh God are amazing! Even though i know God is there and i know He is listen i still feel as if i am missing out on something i dont understand what it is i am not sure if i am doing something wrong or not, I am not sure if i need to be doing something more, or if i should just go with it, cause like i said before "even i dont know where the path leads" I guess now i am asking for an understanding, but i now i am able to say i am willing to go with that understanding i am able to wait for it cause i know that the old me would have went crazy wanting to know what the understanding is and not wanting to wait. I know that there is a plan and i can do nothing but wait it out, and i am so willing to wait it out cause i know that God has a plan no matter what it is i know that there will be a reason for the plan, I guess that is early said now then it will be when it happens, i am just hoping that i will be able to say that when the understanding comes and maybe goes....

Blue Ballon

A way that I let go tonight was with a balloon tonight, my friends and I went out tonight, and we got a balloon from Red Robin. Well we said that we would let the balloon go together, but all I can say is that letting that balloon go ment a lot to me! We all said we will let this go to the summer of 2009. Well that is true, but I was letting that balloon to the hurt that I have been through, it was a way of me letting go, I know it was hard for me, but I think it is time for me to let go. I am not going to win this at all! I sent all my feeling with that blue balloon, but you know it was hard letting go, because it is something new to me. It was hard to just sit there and think I have been through so much this last week am I ready to let them go, is it worth letting go, or should there be some kind of understanding that I need to find before I give up! But you know I let it all go, now is my heart ready to let it go? I take back that I sent all my feelings with that balloon I really wish I did, because I am not sure if I really did. I just hope that I am able to get over this faster now, I kind of feel as if that the hard part has been done now it is time for me to just slowly let everything go and keep moving on with life. I know that I have been through this 3times but you what, I am just waiting for 4 and I hope that 4 will not end like 3, 2 or 1!

So to that Blue Red Robin Balloon that has my every painful feeling, I hope that you will not return I hope that I will be able to let you go! Even now I can tell it is hard because it is just hard to even type this, because all those WHAT IFs are coming back, but you know I am going to try to fight it this time! Next time I am not sure how strong I will be able to be! I am just kind of lost!

MY DESIRE IS THERE!

but just remember that sometimes in life it pours, pours, and pours…but at the very end of the rain, the thunder and lightning there is always a rainbow and when we see that rainbow we forget about all the hell that led to the making of that rainbow because of its pure beauty. In essence when we are in the middle of a storm we only see the storm but as soon as the rainbow appears we are thankful to God for pulling us through the storms to see such beautiful outcome which is our rainbow.

That is what my friend told me. You know she is very right I never took at moment and thought about it, it can be bad rain for days, and then boom there is a rainbow! LIKE WOW! i needs to understand that after all of this hurt and pain, and not being able to understand that there should be some kind of Good that will come out of this! I am not sure when it will be i am not sure if it will even come out of it, but i do understand that i am sick of hurting! I am done with it i am not liking it at all! I am ready to stand in that rain and let it pour on me and just stand for no reason.

What i have been asking for has been taken away from me 3 times! Not 1 but three crazy i think. I think that is odd, but i am sorry i am not stopping here i will keep looking for my answer, i just was hoping it was going to stop at 3. I am wanting to go back to 3 and make this work, but i guess i am not going to be able to make it work, sometimes, i guess all things happen for a reason, the only thing is, what if this would have not happen, what if i would have went with it? What if i would have not even stopped it, what if i would have liked it! You know it doesn't matter cause that is behind me and i know that now i am going to have to finish strong and hope that this goes away!

"God will give you the desires of your heart"

Can't do it alone!

You know someone once told me ...I believe that most of us are motivated by not wanting to feel bad or to hurt. We are told it makes us stronger, yet we try and try to make those bad feelings end...

This is true; I am motivated to not feel bad, or to want to hurt. But I have been trying to make these bad feelings end! I am been trying to make them stop, but yep not luck at all! I guess I have done everything I know to do.

Then I was told this ....I find it more helpful to let myself go through the hurt....

This I don’t get, well let me say that I get it, I just don’t understand why I want to let myself hurt. I don’t understand why I want to let myself keep going through the same thing day by day. I don’t get it at all, but I guess when there is nothing that you can do about it, and then you have to just sit back and go with it. Even if it hurts so bad that you don’t even see why you bother anymore. I guess, well I don’t guess I know, that I am at that point where there is nothing that I can do at all.

Also was told this......I have missed something. I have missed the gift that is being offered in that situation....Then I can say, oh, thanks for the gift, God, sorry I missed it what is it.....

I get so mad at God when I am hurt sometime, other times am able to stop and just say "God this is all for a reason and I am going to go with what you say is best for me and let you take me" When I don’t say that I am missing out on what God is trying to show me. I guess now I am going to have to go with the hut and wait till I am able to say God thank you for the gift. I know that will be saying that cause I know that He will show me something and show me something great.
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The days keep passing but I am not even ready for anything! I am ready for God to put all this together and ready for things to be back to the way they were. But you know I am going to keep my faith in God and I am going to keep trying to understand what He wants me to do with this. I am ready now for You move me. But yet I am ready for You to rebuild me and make me strong and let me get over this. I am ready for You to help. I am ready for You God to speak to me know! Help me get over this; I know I can’t do it alone!

"for i dont know where the path leads"

ON MY KNEES

When life gets too hard to stand, kneel, i am not kneeling i am on my knees asking why, wanting to know why.....

Ya know i was told that the hurt helps build character, i am ok with that, am not sure why is it that it hurts so bad. I dont understand at all. Maybe I will have the strongest character there is! Maybe this time i will learn not to attach on so fast! Well there are alot of maybes but the only thing is that i want more out of life, and i dont want to hurt at all. This building character thing is good, it is nice to have some character, but the only thing is the hurt, i dont like it at all....

I find myself asking God why so much, and and feeling bad about it, but then i find myself getting over everthing and feeling great, and then i am back at point A, and i hurt so bad. I dont understand. I find myself going through the steps that take me right back down the road i dont want to be on. I dont understand what to do about this, I guess as i age and see different parts of life and go through different steps in life, that i will not find myself back at this point. I want to stand in the rain again for no reason. I want to be able to have fun again! I want this out of my mine! There is more to it that meets the eye. I guess i can say that there is more to it! i am not sure what i am doing wrong, i guess i need to find away out of this!

I guess i am just going on with whatever pops in my mind. I guess what the problem is, is that i try to hard to be stronge. I am calling it Fake, i am being FAKE. I guess i can say i am a big FAKE! I am not who i am, I have showed the world that i am happy, and life is good, when it really isnt! Even though i was told that is not being fake, i guess i should have a point where i dont have my life all out there. But i guess i am not lost right, I am lost for words! I am crying out for help.

So God here i am on my knees!

I need an understanding

This is going to be a short one, cause I am bloginh from my phone.

I guess I am at a point where I am at a stop, I don't know what to think or to do. I am just praying for God to answer my prayer cause He knows what I want but most of all he know what need and don't need, I guess even through I have been praying the same pray for almost over a year now this same pray, but I am fine cause even though it is hard I know God will do what He wants cause I know he knows what's best for me. I guess I hate that it hurt so bad it just way to bad! But I am human so it is ok to hurt the hard part is getting over it. But I am trying my best to understand but it is so hard. HELP!

Not again!

This is what is going on in my brain at the this time, i am not going to look over it cause i want to leave it as is, so maybe you can see that there is alot going on in my brain.

Even though everything is going right, why is it that i have the feeling that i lost a best friend, When i have not done so yet. As a matter of fact i have a new best friend! He is really kool, i have been able to hang out with him some these last few weeks, but yet i am not ready for it to be over i am not ready for school to come back and make us part. See here is the thing i am ready for school. I cant wait! But i am just at a point where i feel like i want to stand in the rain for no reason! I am so lost right now! I am ready to know what is next i am ready for these painful feels to pass. I am not sure what to do with myself right now i just want things to be different! I guess that is what i cry out i want things to be different i am not sure why but i feel like if things were different i would not feel like this. I wish i could go back and change so much! I guess i can say i feel alone. Even though i am not alone at all! I dont get LIFE i dont understand. I dont understand you God, I know that my acts of worship are not a practice for me. I know that you are there, i just need you in this time and i need for you to make it better! I guess i shouldn't be asking for help i need to find my way out of this! I guess i just need to find a way to out of this, i guess i need to understand whatevery one is saying..."saying bye is normal," Well i just want to say it is not normal for me at all! NOPE, i guess you can say that no matter how many times i go through this i will still feel this way. The funny thing is i just went through this not to long ago! This time i feel as if i am not like last time, i feel like i MAY be able to over come it! You know what i am not sure, but i am going to have to say i am going to have to stay strong, even if the strong fall sometimes! WOW i can say that just typing all this out makes me kind feel better, even though i am not who will read this, or who will care. I do know that i am going to have to overcome this and be strong, but i do have to say that i am human and i have feelings. I am just glad that i will have Ashley B. next year everytime something like this happens! Plus i can just type away about it!

Am I Ready?

Today I was reading some old notes in my bible, and it was from a long time ago I don't even remember them really, one cause I didn't take them (my youth pastor used my bible that Sunday) But I did get to listen and when I read it I was reminded about all the stuff that I have been asking myself lately! "Am I ready for this" For those who don't know, I am going to be taking on a big role at my college next year, SGA President. (Student Body President) the answer to that questions is always NO! I am not ready for it at all! But that is GREAT! Cause I believe that will make me push myself to high levels that I have never thought of! Exodus 3 "Moses and the Burning Bush " Is what I was reading, the notes that I got out of my bible from a long time ago are; God calls, God equips, God leads, God sustains. Then i thought about it for a second and just used my life and kinda made them into questions.

God calls: You know God has a calling for everyone, and I am not sure what my calling is at all! I know one thing that God has called me to and that would have to be SMC, He has placed in my hear a place where I am able to be myself and make great and loving friends.

God equips: God has places tools/people in my life that I sometimes don't us, and I do not believe that God will not give you more then you can handle, I believe that He will give you more then what you can handle! but he is giving you these tools/people alone the way to help you.

God leads: Wow God has led me to places that are just more then amazing! He has made me able to not really worry anymore. I know He is leading me and He is always there for me, i cant forget that He is always there.

God sustains: God give more then needed, He is just a GREAT provider

Now when I ask myself "Am I ready" I will answer NO! with a smile on my face cause I know that God is there for me, He is calling me to do something that will shake my world, He has equip me with more then needed, He has lead me to great places and a lot more to come. He has sustain me with more then needed.

To step out of my comfort zone Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is...

God above all the world in motion, God above all my hopes and fears,And I don't care what the world throws at me now, I'm gonna be all ...

God First!

JOHN 3:30
He must increase, but I must decrease.

I have been going through my old bible from middle and some of high school and I went to my little marker, and I opened my bible and came to this verse. I remember the day I heard this verse and when I heard it, I remember where I was setting and all, odd I know haha. Katie C. was the one who said it, It was at Focus, a camp that one of my old youth ministers had. She was closing our 20/20(small group) up and said this is a verse that really stands out to her. (I am not sure if she said it like that but I know she said it somewhat like that)

One thing I would have to say is since that day I have loved this verse every time I look at it. It is something that I try to live my life by. It is a short and sweet to the point verse! He must increase, God must be number one. No matter what I must put God first and I know that by doing that I will not have to worry. but I must decrease, I have to stop putting myself first and worry about God and what God wants me to become and where He wants to place me so that I will be able to show His glory!

Gift to God

"What we are is God's gift to us. What we become is our gift to God."

This was my friends Ryans status on facebook, and it took me sometime to take this in. I guess cause what I did was asked myself what is it that becoming, and is what I am becoming a gift to God?

What we are is God's gift to us.....
Who I am is a great gift, cause who I am is who God created, and when He created me I was created in His image! So what we are as humans is very simple to understand. we are Gifts.
....What we become is out gift to God.
I guess it is not much about what I am, cause it is clear that I am a gift from God, but am I worth it, NOPE! Whatever it is that I become in life, I just want to make sure that I a gift to God.

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me"

Stand Firm

I have been praying for some time now for God to shake the incoming students world! To shake their world and make them leaders, make them want to stand up and be able to do whatever they put their mind to. To shake their world were they know that they are at college for their education! To shake there world and make them know college is what they make it! To shake it where they will stand firm....

Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

1 Corinthians 15:58 (NIV)

What is the meaning?

Ok so i need some help. I have been looking at this video over and over trying to find out, what the meaning is. I am lost and dont understand it so I was hoping someone would help me out here. Also if you happen to know the song that would be nice to know also. Leave a comment on here, Email me, Brandon4usc@gmail.com. Write me a msg on facebook in my inbox, or IM me, Brandon T Hunter. SOMETHING!

UNCONDITIONAL!

COLLEGE! What is college? Higher Education? Fun? The start of your life? Were you meet your bestfriends? Easy sometime? HARD sometimes? Ya know what college is alot of thing, but one thing college has brought to me is Christ! College has brought alot to me, I mean come one i am going to Student Body President next year. SCARED OUT OF MY MIND! But for some reason I am find with it, cause I am able to take it as something God is making uncomfortable.

College is different, I guess I can say that I have seen alot of things in college that I have never seen before. I am the one taking care of myself!(well not really but you get it) I am the one telling my self when to go to sleep, or when i should do my homework. But I have also seen the down side of college. I have seen people at low points, scared out of there skin, because of something they have done. I have seen people cry out to God because they did something dumb. I have seen people cause so much pain to there family because of something they did. But out of all the things I have seen I know that when people cry out to God because they have did something wrong, i know for a FACT that God is right there listen. Even though I am one who thinks that it is wrong to call on God when you need it only! I think you should praise God no matter what! Not when you are in deep.

I was talking to a guy that I go to school with tonight on facebook and he told me something that made me think! He said that he saw the movie Fireproof, I have not seen it yet, but he said that he didn't know the meaning of love until he saw this movie. Then he said that "love is unconditional and u never stop loving someone even if they spit in ur face. cuz jesus never stopped loving us when we spit in our face and He doesnt give up on us when times get rough" I agree with him 100% love is very unconditional! Jesus loves us UNCONDITIONAL! Webster says that Unconditional means not conditional or limited. Jesus love for us is not limited it is out of this world!

Out of what my friend said to me the end just really got my eye! "love is unconditional and u never stop loving someone even if they spit in ur face. cuz jesus never stopped loving us when we spit in our face and He doesnt give up on us when times get rough" And that is so true God will not give up on us when we are in our rought time, better yet He will not stop loving us!

Notecard!

My old youth paster has us draw these pictures on notecards alot, and i have been thinking about it lately and it still just makes my mind go crazy on how many times i have put this on a notecard! The funny thing is that a simple notcard like this led my to Christ. Just thinking about how God sent His son to die on the cross for my sins!

But this notecard can mean this too, "You know why some of us have never seen God part a river? Because our feet are still firmly planted on dry ground. We're waiting on God while God is waiting on us!" On this notecard you see "ME" well the only way for "ME" to get to God is to make the first step, that being accept Jesus. see God is there and will always be there it is just that Gos is waiting on us to make that move. God will always be there for us when we are in bad places of life, and the lowest but God is there, We just have to make sure we find our way back to Him. It is not about testing God and see if here is here for us. it is more about going back to God and not going away from Him.

God will use anything to get through to us. And i dont have to write anything to get that point across, but i am going to post this video, that will get this point across! This guy is Carlos Robson is a slam poet, i saw him in Atl. at APCA and he is good, but here is one of his poems!

ACCEPT PEOPLE!

(I didn't read over this, i didn't care to)
I am going to have to set this up for ya, I saw this on a photo that took place at a gay pride parade, and there were people standing on the sidewalks and they had there signs up saying stuff, and i am not saying they were being mean or anything, cause they could have been meaning anything they were Christians. Well there was a comment under this photo that said....

"Real Christians are accepting of all Gods creatures and understand that God alone has the power to Judge, yet somehow these idiots gather and cast their stones to no end. I can not wait until the end when they are confronted by their own sins of hate. "



This comment made me go WOW! that is just about all i can say cause this person was so true! I hate to say it but they were, and it is something that i have talk to my friends with from time to time. One of my friends ask me what i thought about gay people and i just said what is there for me to think? This friend knows were my walk with God is but i was still asked that question. My answer was I think no different I was raised to think of no one different. The funny part is that some of my friend that are Christians were ask the same thing and I can say that the way that they answered was not a Godly way at all. The thing that i think about is what are they thinking, they go to church they praise the same God i do but they answered the same question i was ask in a way of hate. When i saw this comment I was like WOW!



Real Christians are accepting of all Gods creatures....
As Christians we should be able to accept everyone no matter WHAT! There is no way for a christian to get around that, God created man in his own image.. THAT SAYS IT ALL! We are to accept Gods creations!



and understand that God alone has the power to Judge,...

Who are we to Judge anyone, no matter the lifestyle they pick to use, we are to be loving no matter what, we are to be getting people in God Kingdom, no JUDGE THEM! We are all human and we will all judge, but we are to try our best not to!

yet somehow these idiots gather and cast their stones to no end....
OK that person called them idiots, but that is beside the point here. When we judge it is just like casting stones, So when we judge people on there lifestyle that pick to live, we are casting stones upon them, and think about that pain each different size stone that is being hit upon these people. It is painful that is how you make people feel when we tell them that they are going to go to hell, and that is all, We can not just tell them they are going to hell that is not what God tells us to do. God tells us to better His Kingdom. I think we should go about this in a peaceful way!



I can not wait until the end when they are confronted by their own sins of hate...
This person ended with this! And i hate to say this but this is so true! all that hate that we as people put out will on day be ONE DAY PUT BACK IN OUR FACE!



This has show me one thing, that i should have a better understand of people no matter what!

Text msg from God!

(it is late and i am so sleepy but i just really was thinking about this today and wanted to write about it, and if ya don't understand umm well see oh well ha ha jk jk sorry)


It's funny how when the phone rings we answer not knowing who it is, it could be anyone wanting anything... -The Caller (Phone Booth)


OK this quote may be creepy cause the man from Phone Booth said it and he was really creepy, but what i am getting at is that he telling the truth, cause i answer the phone sometimes and i don't have a clue who it is calling, but yet i still answer. Why is it that we can answer a phone for people we don't know calling and yet when someone we know calls we don't even pick up the phone cause we don't want to talk to them i don't understand that sometimes, plus i do it sometimes! Also another thing i am getting at is that this is how i was with God at one point!

I guess I can take this back to high school day; it was like God was telling that i was doing wrong through the outcome of a lot of the things that i was doing. In high school i just tried to keep to my self and friends i guess i can say for the beginning of the the time. But i notice now by thinking back on time that i could have been doing better, i could have spent time with God rather then say I did. I guess for some people in high school it is like drinking i mean they know that it is against the law, but hey they still do it, i guess the thing that just makes me mad is the things that are done with drunken thoughts, but in Sunday school the Sunday school teacher is teaching that it is not good to drink at all, but yet teens still do it. Just like that phone call from a number not know. I see this quote as....

It is funny how when God is calling us to do something we don't jump, but when we get a text MSG we race to find the phone not knowing what the MSG has to tell, it could be anything, but the MSG from God is one thing and one thing only. ETERNITY -Brandon Hunter

But the funny part is that God will break us no matter what! He will stop our world and turn it upside down! The first thing that we as people do is go running right back to Him and we call out His name! Pray, pray, pray and keep praying. Yet why is it that we as people will put things above God! WHY. Why is it that people will not serve God till they need time!

One Year!

(This is the same blog that i wrote for my school blog) (http://smcstudentblogs.blogspot.com/)


One Year!That is all it took for me to be done with my first year of college. One year! That is all it took for me to make new and great friends. One year! That is all it took for me to find new hobbies. One year! That is all it took for me to find myself. One year! That is all it took for God to break me.


Coming to college was something that I was ready for, I mean who is not ready to go to college? Once everything started and I got used to all of the great things college brought to me, I began to forget what I really lived for. In the beginning of my freshman year, I was scared. I didn't know anyone and was new to everything. The first thing I did was ask God, "is this where you want me to be?" I didn't understand what God was doing in my life. I didn't know if God had put me in the right place or not.


As I went on asking God to somehow show me if this was the right place, He did better. He showed me that he will place me where He feels is best, and that He has a plan for me and that I need to trust in Him, because He will not lead me to the wrong path. There is one quote that I just heard that goes right with this point of my life.“I tend to live the way I drive. I want to get from point A to point B in the shortest amount of time and by the easiest route possible. But I’ve come to realize that getting where God wants me to go isn’t nearly as important as becoming who God wants me to be in the process. And God seems to be far less concerned with where I’m going than with who I’m becoming."--Mark Batterson


I know that I was living life in the fast lane. I was too busy worrying about other things and making more time for things that could wait rather than making time for God. The time I did spend with God I was asking Him what it was that He wanted from me. But as Mark Batterson puts it, where God wants me to go isn't nearly as important as becoming who God wants me to be in the process. If I would have seen this quote some months ago, I know that I would be closer to God. The course God has taken me on over the past year has put me in a spot that I would not trade for the world. This year, I have never felt so close to God. Out of all the things that have happened this year, and all of the homework and all of the extracurricular activities I have participated in, I have come to realize that God is bigger than anything that I do, and that I want to live for him more and more every day.


Over a year, I have completed college courses. Over a year, I have lost my best friend due to moving of schools. Over a year, I have had to step up to do things that I would have never done one year ago. Over a year, I have gotten to know a God who tells the wind when to blow. Over a year God, has opened a book for me that challenges me to live and not to worry.

"Life is made up of years that mean nothing and moments that mean it all. "

"And if you were to say 'come with me', even now I might go."

I didnt feel like writing so i just did this, it is like postsecret.
(Postsecret is where people write there secrets on a post card
and then send them into this man, and he post them on a blog,
but he has like 4 or 5books out with them in it)
(http://postsecret.blogspot.com/)

Just thoughts

Just some things.....

1. Why is it that when people break up that somehow one is not over the other, i guess i cant really say anything cause i never been in love. But what about when one is mean and hurting the other and yet one is not able to leave? Why is it that they are not able to let go. What is it that the one being hurt and putting all they have into the relationship want to stay. Why is it that they running back to it after all the fights.
   
   
2. I am one to call myself a christian i will stand to that and say it. I am proud of it. I know that God, and i have a relationship with him. But here is the thing. As a christian i should be able to accept everyone. But why is it that many christian are not able to accept everyone. I was having a talk with someone and this came up and i was not sure of what to say. I was just lost for words. The topic came up on night at dinner it was a group of us, and one topic that really stood out was gay people. I believe that it is something that you choose and you not born to like the same sex but that is just me. But some of my friend believe that you are born to like the same sex. I understand that we believe different things. Gods word tell us to hate no one, and when you say hate you can say it an many different way no matter what why you say it you are saying hate. When we dont accept people we are disliking them, another way to say hate. Why is it that somepeople cant get over themselves and be open minded cause God doesnt want us to hate anyone. Even tho i do understand we are all human.
   
   
3. I am one that i have plans to wait. I dont plan at anytime to just change my mind. I know that I have made a promise that i will not break! I know that i will not be having sex at anytime soon. I think that there is nothing wrong with waiting. But that is just me. I know that this is something that i has choosen to do. I believe very strong that God has said sex is something that should be shared with someone we love, and are married too. Some people ask would you marry someone who has had sex. I would have to say that i want to marry someone that I have to find God before I find there heart.
   
   
4. I sometimes shock people i guess i can say. I once played this game called Never have I Ever. I won all 3 times i played we played wit out hands so there was no drinking. but would have to say that i have never been more shocked in my life about the things that i do and i have not done. But i would have to say that i am proud because i have made the choose and i have not changed my mind. But i just want to know why is it that more and more young people are doing more things then i have done in my lifetime.
   
   
5. Something i dont understand and i dont like talking about is death, I dont understand it i dont get why God would take the ones we love away. I dont get it but when i think about it i think about how when our phyical body is gone here from earth, we are in heaven with Christ and that is great thing! But one thing i have a promble with is taking to people about it. I guess one thing i am going to do is try and find out more and so i will be able to know what to do in those times!
   
   
6. If you dont know me and your reading this i was just voted to be my College Student Body President. Yeah great honor! BUT here is the thing. I am scared out of my mind. I am not sure what to do, i have never done anything this big, i am not sure if i am ready for it. I have prayed about it none stop. I cant believe that i won. It was something i really wanted i ran against some great guys. When i find myself praying and asking God what do, i find myself with the outcome of this is what God is doing He is making me into the person that he has planed me to be! I know that i am more then ready. I am ready to just break down the walls that I have around me that are making me shy, the same ones that are not letting me give it my all. I am ready... So i think... but i know God has a plan...
   
   
7. (I guess this kinda and some kind of way can go with number one, but i dont really think so) Losing people what is it so hard. Why is it when we are in great standing with friends and having a great time, that somehow it is ended. Sometimes with families moving, or jobs moving someone, or with school there going off to different school. No mater what it is there is someway that we lose people. Why cant we be strong and keep going with life. I know i cant be strong at all. Even when i know there may be a point were i may end up with those people again. i still cant strong. I guess this kind of goes with a quote that i posted when i was in a low point of the end of the school year. "Life doesn't give you the people you want. It gives you the people you need. To help you. To hurt you. To love you. To leave you. & To make you into the person you were ment to be." I love that quote cause it is so true! But it the hurt part kinda stands out for me. But it really does make you into the person you were ment to be. it makes you think about life, it makes you strong, and make you many more things. But the only thing is "Goodbyes always hurt whether it's the right thing to do or not" The only thing i can say to is to try to find the good in it. I tried to find the good in the worry and i found my self getting really close to God, I can also say find something to do. I found something to do and i found myself LOVING tennis! I am going to stop on this one cause i can go on an on about this cause i know that it has hit close to home! but i will end on this note find someone to talk to if you find yourself losing a friend do to a move or because of some reason. Take to some i talk to a friend ashley and she told me to talk to someone i look up to so i am tell you talk to someone you look up to know that they will not led you to the wrong place. I know that Kim Day didnt let me to the wrong path. Ok that is all....
   
   
8. I write a blog about I wants... and i just looked at it and i want to know why i stared out with "I want to be loved. I want to find someone to love. i want someone who understands me. I want someone that I will be able to call and tell them that they mean the world to me." Ya know i have been thinking for some weeks now and i have been thinking why am i not dating someone. I guess now i have come to the understand that i dont care anymore. I guess i can say that if God puts that someone in my life i want Him to put someone who understands me, someone i am about to talk to about anything, someone i am about to just look at i know that they like me for who i am, someone who understand God and ya know if He puts someone who is none of those things i am not sure what i would do. but i do know that i am all His, and that i if he does i know it is my job to bring them close to God, to try atleast. God works in different ways
   
   
9. This is one that i may get hit for. but i am going to do it. Why do people do dumb things. ( I am not judging at all cause i do dumb things all so, if you know me, oh you know i do) but what i am getting at this one is why is it if you know something is going to make you do something that is dumb, or could hurt you or someone around you why do it. lets say dranking, dont get me wrong i am not judging anyone. but why is it that a 13year old drinks, better yet a 18year old. Why is it that the reason is because everyone else is doing. I am not going to ask the dumb question if someone jumps off a bridge does that mean you are going to up. i just want to know why is it that just because other people are doing it, why does that make it ok for you to do it. ahh this just under my skin so bad i am not sure what to even say!
   
   
10. I was reading on my facebook and i say ..."I walk by Faith not seeing!" I and that is one thing i have not been working on. I guess i should be walking by faith even when i can not see. I should trust the unseen!
    
    

This is just random things that have been going through my head at 4 in the am and when i work up at 1! I dont even know if it make since or not!

"Am i becoming who God wants me to be?"

“I tend to live the way I drive. I want to get from point A to point B in the shortest amount of time and by the easiest route possible. But I’ve come to realize that getting where God wants me to go isn’t nearly as important as becoming who God wants me to be in the process. And God seems to be far less concerned with where I’m going than with who I’m becoming."-Mark Batterson

I tend to also do this, i tend to want be done with things and just be at a good point of my life, but yet i want to not do any work. The only thing i am thinking is this where i should be alot. I am always asking God, is this where u want me in life, is there where you have called me to be. Should i be here or should i be somewhere else. The true thing is that i am wrong! God has called me to all kinds of places in this world. Yet there may be one place that i should be it will come. I guess the one thing that i should be focus on in life is "Am i becoming who God wants me to be?" Now some of the things i ask myself are...
Am i becoming a Godly man as i have been told to
Am i on the path that will led me to God
W.W.J.D
.....

I was watching Roseanne tonight and I have seen this one show for like the 3rd time tonight and I really like it, and when it comes on I always remember this one part the part were Darlene reads her poem i have post it it below, and there is one part that really just sticks out to me!

To whom it concerns, Darlene's work will be late,

it fell on her pancakes and stuck to her plate...

To whom it concerns, my ma made me write this,

and I'm just her kid, so how could I fight this...

To whom it concerns, I lost my assignment,

maybe I'll get lucky, solitary confinement...

To whom it concerns, Darlene's great with the ball,

but guys don't watch tomboys when they're cruising the hall...

To whom it concerns, I just turned thirteen,

too short to be quarterback, too plain to be queen...

To whom it concerns, I'm not made of steel,

when I get blindsided my pain is quite real...

I don't mean to squawk, but it really burns...

I just thought I'd mention it, to whom it concerns...

To whom it concerns, I'm not made of steel, when I get blindsided my pain is quite real... this part just stands out I think that it is the part that she is trying to get across out of the poem. I was thinking about it once she said it, To whom it concerns, I'm not made of steel, Even though many people go through life and think that they are made of steel they are not. I do it sometimes. I go through life like i can handle just about anything. NOT EVERYTHING CAUSE I KNOW I CANT! but there are somethings that in life that I just think i can handle and I just go one with the throught that I am able to handle this and really when it is all said and done I cant at all. It is sometime things were I am just a little fish and a small pond and think i can be the big fish that saves the day and the sad part is that i am the smallest fish in the the sea. But once I think about it and I come to the point were I know I am hopeless, i get blindsided as the poem puts it. Then i am shown that my pain is real! Ya know this poem I think is made to make a point to someone but i kinda have taken it and changed it up to show myself that i am not made of steel there are things in this world that are way bigger then me. I guess i made this a way to show myself that i should stop trying so hard to be like, and stop trying to fit in, and just go with the flow sometimes cause L.I.F.E is like a game, game that is hard to play sometimes but it is life. And i am told to live it and live it abundantly! and I will for Him!(John 10:10)

Fear

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9

What i fear... I fear alot of things. I fear the dark sometime, I fear what is going to happen next, I fear the world when i walk out the door sometime, I fear what other people are going to think, I fear that i am going to say the wrong thing, I fear public speaking, I fear heights, I fear storms, I fear spiders, I fear getting test back from teachers, I fear the unknown, ......

Ya know i fear alot of stuff, this is not anywhere near 1/2 of the list of things I fear. Franklin D. Roosevelt once said "There's Nothing to fear but fear itself." Some people live by that, i kinda want to know what does God say about fear, what does God say we should fear?

I was looking at this video online and it was about fear. I got to it by looking at one video and it lead to another and then so on and so on. the video starts out with talking about fear. This guy it walking on the beach and it very moving i guess you can say... then this man or whatever you call it jumps out at him and hits him, and then he runs and runs and ends up in a moblie home, and then he pulls out a gun, and the gun was sitting on top of a bible and then he turns around and there the man is standing there and he shoots him more them once. Then he wakes up! It was a dream. He runs to the bible moves the gun and begans to read the bible, and says that he wakes up everyday with the same dream and about how he is tried of being afriad. He prays to God, to free him from the fear, from the nightmare, from sin then to free him from "MYSELF!"

I fear alot of things, but I seem to sometimes forget i have been free from that fear. God has commanded me to be strong and courageous, that i should not be terrified or discouraged, because He will be with me wherever I go. So ya know i dont have to worry about that fear anymore, cause I am free. I am free from my sin also, but there are those times were I have to remind myself that I am Free from myself! I have to ask God to free me from myself because I forget sometimes that ....for you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's... (1 Corinthians 6:20) God sent his son to die for me(boy how many times have i heard that, but everytimes it just seems greater and greater) So what does God say we should fear? I may be wrong but I dont think I am God tells us to fear nothing cause He is there with us through everything, and will teach us stuff through the smallest little things in L.I.F.E.

Here is the video that i was talking about....

Letting Go

I'm holding on to something that used to be there hoping it will come back, knowing it won't...

Dear Jesus,

Please hear my prayer. I go along each day, trying to run my life my own way. I forget to let go and give you control.

I wonder why things aren't going the way I want them to go. I forget to stop and ask what you want, Lord ... Help me to realize that when you close one door, you open the one you want me to walk through...
(http://christianity.about.com/b/2009/01/29/weekly-prayers-poems-letting-go.htm)

I have been doing alot of searching and just asking why is it that i have a problem with letting go, and so i came upon this and again another way to look at things i havent thought about this one. That once goes puts us through something and the outcome is not something that we want it to be, and we have a problem with getting over it, like a choose we make, or a friend we love, or a job we dont get, just about anything in the world. I guess what i am trying to say is that, once one door closes another one opens, i have heard that before but i guess i just let it go through one ear and out the other. Now i am able to take it and think about it but yet change it up a little. Once something changes in life, and God shows me something, and closes a door on me He has another door open ready for me and it is the door that He has open for me. The ways that He shows things to me can be many different way, I know that one way is that He has showed me that i need Him no matter what. He has given me things in my life that i can not handle at all. Thinks were i have had to step back say "WOW now God, what is it that you want" and the funny thing is that the answer can be "to follow Me"

I just changed my facebook status to "I'm holding on to something that used to be there hoping it will come back, knowing it won't." This is a quote that I found and ya know it is me right now. I am holding on to the past, but because of life i want it to come back, but i know it will not. I know because of life that I will not be able to go back and undo what God has done. But I am know happy with what God has done cause I know now , that I have grown closer to Him.

The Storm...

Ya know for these few week I have been telling my self that there is always calm after the storm. When one say they are in a storm of life or anything of the kind, they mean they are going throught a hard time. Well I have been going through this storm fro sometime and it is still just raining, it is like it will never end. But wait! I was listen to this song the other day and I heard something that just made me stop and think! The lyrics to that part are

When my life is like a storm

Rising waters all I want is the Shore

You say I'll be ok and

Make it through the rain

You are my shelter from the storm

I had to stop and listen again. After that i asked my self why is it that i have not just given it all to God, why is it that i am not letting go and just going deeper into God glory. This song says that "You are my shelter from the storm" He is my shelter He looks over me and knows what is ahead, but i am not laying it down at the cross. The song goes on with...

I am not my own

I've been carried by you all my life

That is something else I have a problem with I guess I am not understanding that i am not my own, You have carried me all my life. God has been and still there with me through everything.

At the end of my "Storm" post. I said there is calm after the storm. and that is true, then i said MY STORM IS NOT YET OVER. Well now i know that God is my shelter in this storm, all this that has happe and the last 2week i am going to give it to you GOD! i am going to try and lean on God, when times are not good, when i relive that day over, when I remember saying goodbye. Even though I know i am human and i know that I will have my down days and I will want to just shut out the world. But I know that i will have a better hope in trying to laying it down at the cross. Cause "at the cross i bow my knees."

"I"

Ya know there are alot of things in this world i want...

I want to be loved. I want to find someone to love. i want someone who understands me. I want someone that I will be able to call and tell them that they mean the world to me. I want my best friend back at SMC. I want the support of my family. I want to be able to send up infront of a group of people and be able to talk. I want to stop worring about what people think. I want to have the perfect body. I want God to show me all that He has plan for me. I want for there not to be homeless people downtown asking for money. I want those homeless people to have a home. I want to be able to tell my life story. I want to be able to help people. I want to be able to change people. I want people to stop doing dumb things. I want people to stop giving drinks to underage people. I want people not to die. I want there to be a cure for everything under the sun. I want for that kid that is asking where there home is to be able to find rest. I want for this hopeless world to have hope. I want to have hope! I want to have a degree that has "MA" on it. I want to not want so much. I want to be able to look at myself and be proud. I want to stop thinking about how hard times are. I want SMC to be a 4year school. I want not to be alone next year. I want no to worry about how hard it will be with you. I want to stop and think about all the good times and not the GOODBYES. I want to go back in time and change a lot. I want to understand God more. I want to be a more Godly man. I want to stop wanting. I want them to love me for who i am and not for who i hang out with. I want to be called my name and nothing else. I want for the world to stop worring. I want for there to be world peace. I want to keep going. I want to cry sometimes but I dont i want to stand in the rain. I want to be held sometimes. I want to look into the sky. I want to stay up all night and look into the stars and just think. I want to so much out of life. I want to live the life that God has called me to. I want.......

Ya know what I want so much! but most of all I can say that I want God to us me. Even though there may be hard times and tears, I want to be able to go when He says go!

STORM!

When I last wrote my post, I was talking about Hope in a Hopeless World! Well I myself have little hope! i am asking God what is it that you want me to do! It is was at one point where i was praying to God asking for me to find that one good Guy friend, one if any! Well let me tell you He heard me call and I got what i asked for, I got two great guy friends! We would talk all night long about everything under the sun! We became great friends! best buds! Well then it was summer time ya know one was a year older so ya know at a 2 year school it was time for him to go on with life and make something of himself, which he is doing! Then there is the other one i am just hoping he will be able to come back to school. All I can do is HOPE! Hope is all I have right now, Hope that my prays are answered again! Hope that i will be able to stay up late again and have those talkes!!!! Talk about nothing important, the nothing important that just makes you laugh all night long! So summer was just looking up for me! After all the happen and now this! Ya know they say that there is Calm after the storm, well MY STORM IS NOT YET OVER!

TAKE IN!

I have been looking at this church online it is called Crosspoint, it is amazing. (thnx to Kim Day for writing on Krstens' wall)...

The one that I am looking at now is about Hope in this Hopeless World. Once I read the title i was like just wondering what could this one be able. The way Pete (the paster) started out he was talking about how he went to India and how people talked about how they wanted a challenge (the missionaries) and that is speaking of God in India, cause they could get killed and they like that. Pete was talking about how they could have went to see the new Hannah Montana movie, but they went to India to talk of God, knowing it was not safe! That is something that know I know at this stage of my life i am not ready for that. I could not picture myself givin everything that I have up to go talk of God in India. I guess it is different here but once you ask me am I willing to go! Ya know God tells us to go make disciples of all nations!
Why is it that I am not willing to just go then?

Pete then goes on with....
If you don't live like you believe your life was created to impact the WORLD you will miss the point of salvation and sanctification.
-go make disciples of all nations
-Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation
-But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth

We have a disconnect between the HOPE of God and the PURPOSE of GOD

The Hope of God that we have today:
The hope that God has given us we have taken it and we have changed it to MY WANTS, MY NEEDS...

The Purpose of God that we need! (Isaiah)
Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine.
When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.

WOW!

Pete goes on to talk about how they walked down this street and how they saw these girls standing on the road and how they were sex slaves. One thing that is my passion is Love146. (Love146.org)


Pete goes on about how we sometimes wonder where God is real, like were is he in the mist of us sometimes. Then he says we are sometimes just bored. If we wont to see God we have to be able to take in His Love, His Grace, His life, His hope... Once we take it in we have to go someone where dark(hopeless)(ex India) and just let them out, then we will see God....

I think it is time for me to take in...

Psalm 46:10

"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

Ya know that is one thing that God tells me to do, but why dont i do it! Why is it that i find myself still worring. Why is it that i am like i am lost my best friend. I lost one friend, a friend that i am not sure will be able to be replaced. One i felt like i could talk to him about anything it was over. Well now i just dont know what to do. But ya know i hope as the days go on i get better. I guess what happen was i was praying to God to help me with a good friend on campus and then i get that, and then it is over. Ya know i was readying on facebook today a "wall to wall" and someone wrote that; God doesn't give us anything we can't handle in there blog, and then someone commented back and said that, that was a lie. I would have to say i agree it is a lie. then they went on and said that God does give us more than we can handle, and He does that so we can depend on him. I have to agree with that God does give us hardships in our life to make us stronger, and it is not cause He thinks we can handle, i think that it is cause we cant handle it. and He wants us to remember that we have to turn to him. You know it was easy to type that but will i live by it. I know that after all my praying and wish and asking for that one good friend on campus God give it to me. Then he remind me that "I gave you this now what are you to do for me" I guess i can say that God is telling me that he gave me what i want and i have to keep giving Him the glory that i know that i am willing to give! (I know that is all my glory) So to the lose of my friend i will say that he will not be forgotten at all! I know that God did it for a reason. and i hope that i am able to take it one step at a time! So i guess this is kinda of a good bye to the sadness. and i hope it is that easy to do!

"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

WOW! God told me to do this! I have not done it at all! I have been mad at Him for many days! When i stood in the rain i just felt his joy! I wanted to cry just because at the point but i didnt i guess it is time for me to BE STILL AND KNOW THAT HE IS GOD! i know that you are God, but why am i not being still! Ya know it is something i dont know, but i know i am going to have to just try and do as He tells me to do! I will try to be still and know you are GOD! Cause you are alone are worthy!

i can say that i took it harder then i thought i would! I can not believe that it is over and i hate it i am trying to look for joy in this. I understand it is life but why does this have to happen. You know sometimes i get mad at God for things like this but not this time! i am just mad right now i can not believe i have lost a Best Friend! I dont like it at all! It is like there is something missing in my life and there is nothing i can do about it!

When i was told goodbye, i was trying to find the good in it, but then ya know it was that going to happen at one point but that is ok, cause i will not let it be the end! One it is goodbye it started to rain and ya know what it was like i could not hold it, back! but ya know what i lost it and i am proud to say that i can be human and cry. just cry and not stop! I guess that is just a part of life, and i really hope i can get to the understanding that it is not over just yet, i know that th first days will be hard to get over but that is ok cause i know that God has made me strong to understand that i can get through this! I stood in the rain and just let it rain right on me it, the rain came harder and harder and i just stood there! I am going to miss my bud! I can say that things will never be the same i have to come to the understanding that i will have to make thing workout. I will miss you Drew! Love ya Bud!
"Life DOESN'T give you the people you WANT. It GIVES you the people you NEED. To HELP you. To HURT you. To ♥ you. To LEAVE you. & To MAKE you into the person you were MEANT to be."

Untill later.....

You know one thing that i am fighting now is not being able to know what is going to happen!

Goodbyes always hurt whether it's the right thing to do or not

Ya know that is right, i dont care what anyone say Goodbyes always hurt no matter what! Leaving high school was fun, and i could not wait till i got to go to college! Saying those Goodbyes was ok, kinda hard. But now that i am in college, a 2year college at that it is not the same as high school. You make friend that are a year older then you and then next thing you know time goes by so fast and they are gone! It is hard when you become great friends with someone over a little time, but when you have so much in common it is really hard to say goodbye. i can say that, that is one thing that i am not looking foward to doing. Cause it not the fact that i will never say hey again, it is the fact that the person that i have so much in common with, the one i know will help me and not lead me to the wrong road, and the person who can finish my sent. is the person i will not be able to hang out with and be able to laugh with next year. I can say that out of the friend i have made in college i think that you have helped me so much and may different ways. but ya know what the problem is i know you will do ur best in life, and i know that you will not give up, and will keep pushing. I can say that this had mad me grow alot!

BUT

It is not that i dont want you to leave it is that God has made a plan and it time for me to follow it. It is not that i want you to be back, or i wont you to say i want you to go where God leads you. I know that he has plans for me now and i know that the plans he has for you will make you happy and i know that you are ready for them. I know i will miss many things and somedays will be hard without ya here, but i guess i have see that God has made us friends for a reason that are unknown, but those reason have made us have great times! but know that it is over i can say that you are the best. and i wish you best on life, and we will meet again and never stop talking.



With me i know that i am ready to be at a big school, i am ready to be a part of something new. I am ready for life. I am to ready i am rushing! I need to stop before life just passes by and i wake up one morning and it will be time for me to walk across a stage and i will get handed my life from a 4 year school and then next thing you know i will be paying for my first house. I dont know why i am like this i know that if i keep it up i will not enjoy life, and i will miss out on everthing that God has planed for me. it is time for me to live it one day at a time and enjoy the time he has given me. I can not believe it but a year of college has gone by. I know that now i will have to live it one day at a time now cause the plan that God has for me will be a great plan, and he will not stop using me and many different ways!

BUT

Goodbyes always hurt whether it's the right thing to do or not

Ya know this may not make any since cause i dont know what i was thinking, i was just going and going and didnt even think about what i was writing but that is ok!

I guess you can say i am not happy, i am not happy with myself. I am not happy with the people around me i dont know what i am! I kinda guess i dont know at all i am lost! but i know now that i am ready to do what God has called me to do. I can stop worring about wordly things! And i can stop letting my feels take over what God wants me to do! i can stop it and move on. i know it is going to be hard, but i guess being able to say is just a start! I know i am ready! But the funny part is i am not happy with myself! I am not at all! I can say that i am sick of people worring about the dumb things in life, and wanting to someone in there life, (not calling anyone out at all) Just cause i dont talk about it does not mean something is wrong with me. I just dont like talking about it, once God puts someone in my life then i will be happy no i am not going to run around saying if they are hot or not i just dont do it. and i wish people would get over it. but that is ok i guess i am ready for change a big change change that i will be able to be around people i can get alone with. Change were i am not at Home, or around people that will make me have to write things like this! I am not happy can i am like that i can say that! but i guess one thing i do is put on for the world. i dont mind making people laugh, but i would love to be real at all time. for ex i got an msg on where someone told me that they love that i was real, i would like to say to you that you are right i am real but i guess it is only around you. but ya know i would love to be able to be real at all times but i get so worried about other people and i get to at point where i dont want to say anything about my life cause i feel as if what they are going through is bigger then what i am going through even when it is not! then i guess i just do and do for other people and i dont wont anything in return but i guess ya know i like ther feeling of being able to help, but the said think is i am not helping myself. and i hate it! but i guess i would just like to have a GROUP of people that i know i can call my bestfriends! (the funny part is i hate that i had to write this cause it is dumb to have to write something like this when you think you have the best friends in the world) i guess i wont more then just one person i run to when i have to talk to someone! I wont more out of life and in order for me to get it i guess i am going to have to focus on God more! I wont that group, i wont God to come and change for the good!

W.O.W

You know when i write my blog i kinda somehow put a song in it and yet again i have a new one to put in it!

I've been there a thousand times,

I've felt the rain like a thousand knives.

it hurts,I know it hurts!

I've been there like a fighter plane,

Tryin' fly my way through a hurricane.

And it's hard,I know it's hard!

This song i guess is God talking... ya know i really dont know but i think i am 97% sure! but anyway

This song talk about how god have been there a thousand time, felt the rain like a thousand knives and it hurt. Well ya know what i think that i am ready to lay it all down again yet again i am ready to be at the cross and and take it all from me and put it at the bottom of the cross. I just feel as if i have been through this to many times, but yet God knows what it feels like better yet he knows how i feel. He knows that i feel like i am lost in a group of people at a football game! Even though i may know many people what i love them all i just really want that one person i want that one person here. it is really hard sometime even though i am able to pick up the phone i know my Best friend will be there (AUUUUUUU) but i just really want that one person here so i will feel as if i am not alone at the football game. But you know what i am not going to worry anymore cause i know i am able to put it right at the cross were i will not have to worry and i know that there is a plan and it will come sooner or later. Even though i know it will be a fight i will try my best to win, win to wait to wait for the outcome cause i know that there is one. I feel as if God is trying to us me for something, but i also feel as if he is trying to tell me something. Something that i am missing. Something that is in my face but i am just to dumb to put on my Glasses to be able to see. It is not that i dont want to see what is trying to be shown i just can say that i am having a hard time seeing it. I think that i will just keep trying to see it and i will keep looking and i think i am at a point were i will go to any high to see it. I can now say that i have been BROKEN. God has really BROKEN me and i think that i am ready to take the everything and put it back together and us it for the best! Right now i am at the cross... I guess the true question is will i take it from me and give it to Him...

God i really am lost for word! I am not sure what you are trying to do with me i am not sure where you want me in life it is hard for me to understand. I see all of this infront of me but i am lost i am not sure. I guess you can say that i am looking for that support till but i am yet to get it, i guess you can say i am still waiting for that one person here, i guess you can say that i am lost for word!

Lost for words with all to say
Lord you take my breath away
Still my soul, my soul cries out
you are holy

I guess you can say that this is where i am in life, I am lost for words... but Lord you are still able to take my breat away in all that you do! But i am to cry from the inside that you are holy! I want to be able have that since of not worring, i guess that is something that i am going to have to work on . but it is sad that i am worring

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is life not more important than food and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life.Matthew 6:25-27

Why cant i live by this WHY! I WANT TO BE ABLE TO JUST DO BUT I GUESS I AM GETTING TO INTO THE WORLD!

NOW.

What is there to say here, but i am lost, Lost with knowing what is right. I guess that lasttime i felt like this I pushed someone out of my life, and now i am not going to do it again. I guess if i wanted to know the answer to my question i will just have to set back and wait and sometime waiting will hurt cause ya never will hear whatever you want to, i guess i should say something but i am not going to cause that will just be me pushing again to hear what i want to hear. When you do say it, i want you to mean it. I guess like last time when i ask i think it was just said because of the moment. I am no willing to get hurt again i am not willing to be lost again. I willing to wait just to see what happens, if i do get mad i guess that is something i will have to live with. Just like i will have to live with the fact that sometimes people forget about people. But that is ok cause once you forget i will never forget, it will be to hard, but i guess i am just human. All humans are defferent. but i still will have to wait. all of this for two words that i want you to mean. "Best Friend"