Ya know this may not make any since cause i dont know what i was thinking, i was just going and going and didnt even think about what i was writing but that is ok!

I guess you can say i am not happy, i am not happy with myself. I am not happy with the people around me i dont know what i am! I kinda guess i dont know at all i am lost! but i know now that i am ready to do what God has called me to do. I can stop worring about wordly things! And i can stop letting my feels take over what God wants me to do! i can stop it and move on. i know it is going to be hard, but i guess being able to say is just a start! I know i am ready! But the funny part is i am not happy with myself! I am not at all! I can say that i am sick of people worring about the dumb things in life, and wanting to someone in there life, (not calling anyone out at all) Just cause i dont talk about it does not mean something is wrong with me. I just dont like talking about it, once God puts someone in my life then i will be happy no i am not going to run around saying if they are hot or not i just dont do it. and i wish people would get over it. but that is ok i guess i am ready for change a big change change that i will be able to be around people i can get alone with. Change were i am not at Home, or around people that will make me have to write things like this! I am not happy can i am like that i can say that! but i guess one thing i do is put on for the world. i dont mind making people laugh, but i would love to be real at all time. for ex i got an msg on where someone told me that they love that i was real, i would like to say to you that you are right i am real but i guess it is only around you. but ya know i would love to be able to be real at all times but i get so worried about other people and i get to at point where i dont want to say anything about my life cause i feel as if what they are going through is bigger then what i am going through even when it is not! then i guess i just do and do for other people and i dont wont anything in return but i guess ya know i like ther feeling of being able to help, but the said think is i am not helping myself. and i hate it! but i guess i would just like to have a GROUP of people that i know i can call my bestfriends! (the funny part is i hate that i had to write this cause it is dumb to have to write something like this when you think you have the best friends in the world) i guess i wont more then just one person i run to when i have to talk to someone! I wont more out of life and in order for me to get it i guess i am going to have to focus on God more! I wont that group, i wont God to come and change for the good!