Fear

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9

What i fear... I fear alot of things. I fear the dark sometime, I fear what is going to happen next, I fear the world when i walk out the door sometime, I fear what other people are going to think, I fear that i am going to say the wrong thing, I fear public speaking, I fear heights, I fear storms, I fear spiders, I fear getting test back from teachers, I fear the unknown, ......

Ya know i fear alot of stuff, this is not anywhere near 1/2 of the list of things I fear. Franklin D. Roosevelt once said "There's Nothing to fear but fear itself." Some people live by that, i kinda want to know what does God say about fear, what does God say we should fear?

I was looking at this video online and it was about fear. I got to it by looking at one video and it lead to another and then so on and so on. the video starts out with talking about fear. This guy it walking on the beach and it very moving i guess you can say... then this man or whatever you call it jumps out at him and hits him, and then he runs and runs and ends up in a moblie home, and then he pulls out a gun, and the gun was sitting on top of a bible and then he turns around and there the man is standing there and he shoots him more them once. Then he wakes up! It was a dream. He runs to the bible moves the gun and begans to read the bible, and says that he wakes up everyday with the same dream and about how he is tried of being afriad. He prays to God, to free him from the fear, from the nightmare, from sin then to free him from "MYSELF!"

I fear alot of things, but I seem to sometimes forget i have been free from that fear. God has commanded me to be strong and courageous, that i should not be terrified or discouraged, because He will be with me wherever I go. So ya know i dont have to worry about that fear anymore, cause I am free. I am free from my sin also, but there are those times were I have to remind myself that I am Free from myself! I have to ask God to free me from myself because I forget sometimes that ....for you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's... (1 Corinthians 6:20) God sent his son to die for me(boy how many times have i heard that, but everytimes it just seems greater and greater) So what does God say we should fear? I may be wrong but I dont think I am God tells us to fear nothing cause He is there with us through everything, and will teach us stuff through the smallest little things in L.I.F.E.

Here is the video that i was talking about....

Letting Go

I'm holding on to something that used to be there hoping it will come back, knowing it won't...

Dear Jesus,

Please hear my prayer. I go along each day, trying to run my life my own way. I forget to let go and give you control.

I wonder why things aren't going the way I want them to go. I forget to stop and ask what you want, Lord ... Help me to realize that when you close one door, you open the one you want me to walk through...
(http://christianity.about.com/b/2009/01/29/weekly-prayers-poems-letting-go.htm)

I have been doing alot of searching and just asking why is it that i have a problem with letting go, and so i came upon this and again another way to look at things i havent thought about this one. That once goes puts us through something and the outcome is not something that we want it to be, and we have a problem with getting over it, like a choose we make, or a friend we love, or a job we dont get, just about anything in the world. I guess what i am trying to say is that, once one door closes another one opens, i have heard that before but i guess i just let it go through one ear and out the other. Now i am able to take it and think about it but yet change it up a little. Once something changes in life, and God shows me something, and closes a door on me He has another door open ready for me and it is the door that He has open for me. The ways that He shows things to me can be many different way, I know that one way is that He has showed me that i need Him no matter what. He has given me things in my life that i can not handle at all. Thinks were i have had to step back say "WOW now God, what is it that you want" and the funny thing is that the answer can be "to follow Me"

I just changed my facebook status to "I'm holding on to something that used to be there hoping it will come back, knowing it won't." This is a quote that I found and ya know it is me right now. I am holding on to the past, but because of life i want it to come back, but i know it will not. I know because of life that I will not be able to go back and undo what God has done. But I am know happy with what God has done cause I know now , that I have grown closer to Him.

The Storm...

Ya know for these few week I have been telling my self that there is always calm after the storm. When one say they are in a storm of life or anything of the kind, they mean they are going throught a hard time. Well I have been going through this storm fro sometime and it is still just raining, it is like it will never end. But wait! I was listen to this song the other day and I heard something that just made me stop and think! The lyrics to that part are

When my life is like a storm

Rising waters all I want is the Shore

You say I'll be ok and

Make it through the rain

You are my shelter from the storm

I had to stop and listen again. After that i asked my self why is it that i have not just given it all to God, why is it that i am not letting go and just going deeper into God glory. This song says that "You are my shelter from the storm" He is my shelter He looks over me and knows what is ahead, but i am not laying it down at the cross. The song goes on with...

I am not my own

I've been carried by you all my life

That is something else I have a problem with I guess I am not understanding that i am not my own, You have carried me all my life. God has been and still there with me through everything.

At the end of my "Storm" post. I said there is calm after the storm. and that is true, then i said MY STORM IS NOT YET OVER. Well now i know that God is my shelter in this storm, all this that has happe and the last 2week i am going to give it to you GOD! i am going to try and lean on God, when times are not good, when i relive that day over, when I remember saying goodbye. Even though I know i am human and i know that I will have my down days and I will want to just shut out the world. But I know that i will have a better hope in trying to laying it down at the cross. Cause "at the cross i bow my knees."

"I"

Ya know there are alot of things in this world i want...

I want to be loved. I want to find someone to love. i want someone who understands me. I want someone that I will be able to call and tell them that they mean the world to me. I want my best friend back at SMC. I want the support of my family. I want to be able to send up infront of a group of people and be able to talk. I want to stop worring about what people think. I want to have the perfect body. I want God to show me all that He has plan for me. I want for there not to be homeless people downtown asking for money. I want those homeless people to have a home. I want to be able to tell my life story. I want to be able to help people. I want to be able to change people. I want people to stop doing dumb things. I want people to stop giving drinks to underage people. I want people not to die. I want there to be a cure for everything under the sun. I want for that kid that is asking where there home is to be able to find rest. I want for this hopeless world to have hope. I want to have hope! I want to have a degree that has "MA" on it. I want to not want so much. I want to be able to look at myself and be proud. I want to stop thinking about how hard times are. I want SMC to be a 4year school. I want not to be alone next year. I want no to worry about how hard it will be with you. I want to stop and think about all the good times and not the GOODBYES. I want to go back in time and change a lot. I want to understand God more. I want to be a more Godly man. I want to stop wanting. I want them to love me for who i am and not for who i hang out with. I want to be called my name and nothing else. I want for the world to stop worring. I want for there to be world peace. I want to keep going. I want to cry sometimes but I dont i want to stand in the rain. I want to be held sometimes. I want to look into the sky. I want to stay up all night and look into the stars and just think. I want to so much out of life. I want to live the life that God has called me to. I want.......

Ya know what I want so much! but most of all I can say that I want God to us me. Even though there may be hard times and tears, I want to be able to go when He says go!

STORM!

When I last wrote my post, I was talking about Hope in a Hopeless World! Well I myself have little hope! i am asking God what is it that you want me to do! It is was at one point where i was praying to God asking for me to find that one good Guy friend, one if any! Well let me tell you He heard me call and I got what i asked for, I got two great guy friends! We would talk all night long about everything under the sun! We became great friends! best buds! Well then it was summer time ya know one was a year older so ya know at a 2 year school it was time for him to go on with life and make something of himself, which he is doing! Then there is the other one i am just hoping he will be able to come back to school. All I can do is HOPE! Hope is all I have right now, Hope that my prays are answered again! Hope that i will be able to stay up late again and have those talkes!!!! Talk about nothing important, the nothing important that just makes you laugh all night long! So summer was just looking up for me! After all the happen and now this! Ya know they say that there is Calm after the storm, well MY STORM IS NOT YET OVER!

TAKE IN!

I have been looking at this church online it is called Crosspoint, it is amazing. (thnx to Kim Day for writing on Krstens' wall)...

The one that I am looking at now is about Hope in this Hopeless World. Once I read the title i was like just wondering what could this one be able. The way Pete (the paster) started out he was talking about how he went to India and how people talked about how they wanted a challenge (the missionaries) and that is speaking of God in India, cause they could get killed and they like that. Pete was talking about how they could have went to see the new Hannah Montana movie, but they went to India to talk of God, knowing it was not safe! That is something that know I know at this stage of my life i am not ready for that. I could not picture myself givin everything that I have up to go talk of God in India. I guess it is different here but once you ask me am I willing to go! Ya know God tells us to go make disciples of all nations!
Why is it that I am not willing to just go then?

Pete then goes on with....
If you don't live like you believe your life was created to impact the WORLD you will miss the point of salvation and sanctification.
-go make disciples of all nations
-Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation
-But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth

We have a disconnect between the HOPE of God and the PURPOSE of GOD

The Hope of God that we have today:
The hope that God has given us we have taken it and we have changed it to MY WANTS, MY NEEDS...

The Purpose of God that we need! (Isaiah)
Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine.
When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.

WOW!

Pete goes on to talk about how they walked down this street and how they saw these girls standing on the road and how they were sex slaves. One thing that is my passion is Love146. (Love146.org)


Pete goes on about how we sometimes wonder where God is real, like were is he in the mist of us sometimes. Then he says we are sometimes just bored. If we wont to see God we have to be able to take in His Love, His Grace, His life, His hope... Once we take it in we have to go someone where dark(hopeless)(ex India) and just let them out, then we will see God....

I think it is time for me to take in...

Psalm 46:10

"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

Ya know that is one thing that God tells me to do, but why dont i do it! Why is it that i find myself still worring. Why is it that i am like i am lost my best friend. I lost one friend, a friend that i am not sure will be able to be replaced. One i felt like i could talk to him about anything it was over. Well now i just dont know what to do. But ya know i hope as the days go on i get better. I guess what happen was i was praying to God to help me with a good friend on campus and then i get that, and then it is over. Ya know i was readying on facebook today a "wall to wall" and someone wrote that; God doesn't give us anything we can't handle in there blog, and then someone commented back and said that, that was a lie. I would have to say i agree it is a lie. then they went on and said that God does give us more than we can handle, and He does that so we can depend on him. I have to agree with that God does give us hardships in our life to make us stronger, and it is not cause He thinks we can handle, i think that it is cause we cant handle it. and He wants us to remember that we have to turn to him. You know it was easy to type that but will i live by it. I know that after all my praying and wish and asking for that one good friend on campus God give it to me. Then he remind me that "I gave you this now what are you to do for me" I guess i can say that God is telling me that he gave me what i want and i have to keep giving Him the glory that i know that i am willing to give! (I know that is all my glory) So to the lose of my friend i will say that he will not be forgotten at all! I know that God did it for a reason. and i hope that i am able to take it one step at a time! So i guess this is kinda of a good bye to the sadness. and i hope it is that easy to do!

"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

WOW! God told me to do this! I have not done it at all! I have been mad at Him for many days! When i stood in the rain i just felt his joy! I wanted to cry just because at the point but i didnt i guess it is time for me to BE STILL AND KNOW THAT HE IS GOD! i know that you are God, but why am i not being still! Ya know it is something i dont know, but i know i am going to have to just try and do as He tells me to do! I will try to be still and know you are GOD! Cause you are alone are worthy!

i can say that i took it harder then i thought i would! I can not believe that it is over and i hate it i am trying to look for joy in this. I understand it is life but why does this have to happen. You know sometimes i get mad at God for things like this but not this time! i am just mad right now i can not believe i have lost a Best Friend! I dont like it at all! It is like there is something missing in my life and there is nothing i can do about it!

When i was told goodbye, i was trying to find the good in it, but then ya know it was that going to happen at one point but that is ok, cause i will not let it be the end! One it is goodbye it started to rain and ya know what it was like i could not hold it, back! but ya know what i lost it and i am proud to say that i can be human and cry. just cry and not stop! I guess that is just a part of life, and i really hope i can get to the understanding that it is not over just yet, i know that th first days will be hard to get over but that is ok cause i know that God has made me strong to understand that i can get through this! I stood in the rain and just let it rain right on me it, the rain came harder and harder and i just stood there! I am going to miss my bud! I can say that things will never be the same i have to come to the understanding that i will have to make thing workout. I will miss you Drew! Love ya Bud!
"Life DOESN'T give you the people you WANT. It GIVES you the people you NEED. To HELP you. To HURT you. To ♥ you. To LEAVE you. & To MAKE you into the person you were MEANT to be."

Untill later.....

You know one thing that i am fighting now is not being able to know what is going to happen!

Goodbyes always hurt whether it's the right thing to do or not

Ya know that is right, i dont care what anyone say Goodbyes always hurt no matter what! Leaving high school was fun, and i could not wait till i got to go to college! Saying those Goodbyes was ok, kinda hard. But now that i am in college, a 2year college at that it is not the same as high school. You make friend that are a year older then you and then next thing you know time goes by so fast and they are gone! It is hard when you become great friends with someone over a little time, but when you have so much in common it is really hard to say goodbye. i can say that, that is one thing that i am not looking foward to doing. Cause it not the fact that i will never say hey again, it is the fact that the person that i have so much in common with, the one i know will help me and not lead me to the wrong road, and the person who can finish my sent. is the person i will not be able to hang out with and be able to laugh with next year. I can say that out of the friend i have made in college i think that you have helped me so much and may different ways. but ya know what the problem is i know you will do ur best in life, and i know that you will not give up, and will keep pushing. I can say that this had mad me grow alot!

BUT

It is not that i dont want you to leave it is that God has made a plan and it time for me to follow it. It is not that i want you to be back, or i wont you to say i want you to go where God leads you. I know that he has plans for me now and i know that the plans he has for you will make you happy and i know that you are ready for them. I know i will miss many things and somedays will be hard without ya here, but i guess i have see that God has made us friends for a reason that are unknown, but those reason have made us have great times! but know that it is over i can say that you are the best. and i wish you best on life, and we will meet again and never stop talking.



With me i know that i am ready to be at a big school, i am ready to be a part of something new. I am ready for life. I am to ready i am rushing! I need to stop before life just passes by and i wake up one morning and it will be time for me to walk across a stage and i will get handed my life from a 4 year school and then next thing you know i will be paying for my first house. I dont know why i am like this i know that if i keep it up i will not enjoy life, and i will miss out on everthing that God has planed for me. it is time for me to live it one day at a time and enjoy the time he has given me. I can not believe it but a year of college has gone by. I know that now i will have to live it one day at a time now cause the plan that God has for me will be a great plan, and he will not stop using me and many different ways!

BUT

Goodbyes always hurt whether it's the right thing to do or not